Summer.
I'm already beginning to feel like summer and I hate it. It's hot, there are mosquitoes and a million bugs, can't sleep due to heat, I sweat. It's the worst season of the year for sure. Yesterday I cried myself to sleep, I spoke a lot with myself and it sucked. Essentially, I came to the conclusion that I don't bring anything to the table, that the price of life is death and that I should prepare to kill myself already. I haven't accomplished anything in life. I'm not great in studies, I don't have any hobbies, I don't have friends. My life is not terrible, my family is accommodated and can live quite comfortably, yet it sucks. While trying to fall asleep I was thinking to myself how shitty meritocracy is. Just because you are not the best doesn't mean you shouldn't get a shot in life. You might not be the best student, but you can still have studied and tried your best. You might not be the best chess player even though you train daily. Best efforts are not appreciated in modern society. You are the best or you are not. Winner takes it all.
Today I did study a few hours even though I should have studied way more and I spent most of the day watching YouTube videos. Tomorrow will be a new day. I love you.