Silence.
You fooled me with silence. Silence. Silence is when you invalidated my feelings. Silence is when I told you my worries and you ignored them. Silence is not changing. Silence is when you didn't tell me what hurt you. Silence is leaving me through a text message. Silence is when despite you brought me to my limits you didn't bother to understand. Silence is when I shared my passions with you and you couldn't care enough to listen. Silence is when you were texting other people when we hung out alone. Silence is when you didn't tell me your joys. Silence is when for every 10 kisses I gave you, you gave me a single one back. Silence is when you couldn't share your hobbies and interests with me and make them approachable for someone without experience. I simplified all the concepts of electrical engineering for you, I tried to explain the history behind the things, explain it through analogies, I tried everything to make it approachable to you. I didn't expect you to fall in love with it, but I did expect you to listen. When I tried to show interest in your major, you only talked about complex biology stuff which I wasn't able to understand and you didn't try to break it down for me even when I asked for it. I wanted to understand why those subjects were so interesting to you and to be able to understand just enough to know why you were excited. Silence is when you promised me to play a game and then avoid doing it. Silence is when you were too busy to meet up, but you made plans with other people. You can go to Ibiza with some friends you have known for a week, yet you can't make plans longer than an afternoon with me. Silence is when you gaslighted me into believing you had shown me those fotos. Silence is when I told you I didn't like gifts and you gave me things anyway. Silence is when I told you I wanted to control my spending because my father had recently lost his job and despite being well off enough to survive fine I wanted to reduce costs and have an emergency fund. Silence is that you have a male friend who sends you endless reels daily and yet you couldn't watch the little ones I sent. Silence is that before you broke up with me the last thing I texted you was how did you think that we can fix the relationship? What is working and what is not? Silence is ignoring this and saying that I was never open to talk. Silence is when you hid me, when you wouldn't tell anyone about us, when I couldn't hold your hand in public despite having dated for months. Silence is when you didn't hug me. Silence is when you didn't flirt with me. Silence is when I asked you for an explicit answer to a question and you answered with an sticker or emoji. Silence is when you made me explode and I told you I broke up with you, but apparently that wasn't final because you played it off as nothing and we stayed for a few months more. You wanted to control everything and be it your way. You pushed every button and exploited every insecurity and when I told you about it nothing changed. Silence is when you decided to break up with me to go full no contact to "heal yourself". You were the one causing most drama. You treated me more like a friend than a boyfriend. That is silence. Now, I'll tell you what is not silence. Silence is not when I was tired and didn't include a heart emoji in my message. Silence is not when I was a bit dry over text. Silence is not when I was frustrated and needed some time to cool down and process things.
They had no e-readers in that store and their stock of 256Gb USB drives had ended :( They were doing reforms on the local so it was all a bit chaotic so I couldn't get the things I wanted. I guess I'll leave it for another day. Today I got very little sleep and I'm very tired. I will try to finish the report so that tomorrow I just need to polish it.